鈥淭hey need something from you. A type of pose to draw . . . it鈥檚 not about you anymore.鈥 This was instructor Megan Williams鈥 way of calming my nerves before posing naked in front of nine strangers for a life drawing class at the 海角社区官网School of Art.
But when I stepped up onto the stage, in front of a blinding floodlight, then dropped my shirt exposing my breasts, dark pubic hair and white backside, it felt all about me.
Looking into the warm light, I (quite thankfully!) can鈥檛 see the artists and the classical music relaxes me. This is art, after all 鈥 I鈥檓 not posing for a 鈥淕entlemen鈥檚鈥 club. So, why does it still feel so strange?
鈥淎fter a while it鈥檚 like being in a doctor鈥檚 office,鈥 says Williams. But a floodlight on my right breast doesn鈥檛 ever happen in my doctor鈥檚 office.
It鈥檚 a three-hour class 鈥 luckily, I鈥檓 switching off with another model. The first set is a series of four two-minute 鈥済estures,鈥 or quick poses.
Backstage, I ask for my counterpart鈥檚 thoughts about standing with one leg back and my chin lifted. 鈥淵ou won鈥檛 make it,鈥 she says, smirking.
I do it anyway. With my leg slightly back and head cocked to the side, after one minute my neck is ready to snap and my lower back is going to buckle. A trickle of sweat glides down my back. The alarm goes off and I collapse. I switch off and drink a huge gulp of water 鈥 sore and parched after only two minutes.
Related:
END
END
END
Watching the other model from the back room, an actress and writer, she has a killer body: perfectly proportioned, her stomach is the kind you see in underwear catalogues. Her pubic hair is also light 鈥 seems somehow less harsh than my unruly black pubic hairbush. She鈥檚 the Lady of Shalott; I鈥檓 Joan Jett.
Next, I choose to sit on the stool, hug my knees to my chest and hide my face. Two minutes done. Nothing like rolling into a ball to hide everything.
Switching up in the back room, my counterpart pipes up: 鈥淲ant some advice? 鈥淭ry facing them this time 鈥 you鈥檝e given them three back poses 鈥 think 360.
鈥淟isten to your body and make it playful 鈥 give them some good lines to draw, a twist of the hips or one hip above the other.鈥
I default to a yoga pose: the warrior. With fingers splayed out, my arms shake at a minute and a half 鈥 but not my legs, which are double the size of most women鈥檚.
I鈥檝e hiked many mountains throughout the world, and biked countless mountains and trails with these guys. I鈥檓 proud of these legs 鈥 even if they will never, ever, fit into most jean sizes.
I recall Megan鈥檚 words: 鈥淲hen someone doesn鈥檛 have their clothes on, filters are gone . . . you come to accept yourself physically.鈥 Maybe, but it won鈥檛 happen overnight, I think.
It wasn鈥檛 until I was a runner in my late teens that I accepted my small breasts: I can鈥檛 imagine strapping up to contain the bouncing every time I went for a jog.
And, if we鈥檙e talking nakedness here, I also support unshaven pubic hair, despite feeling self-conscious about it whilst modelling. Paying someone to rip my hair out with hot wax isn鈥檛 appealing. Maybe it appeals to my hippie esthetic?
The next set is longer 10-minute poses. By the third hour, sitting facing the artists with one hand on my thigh and another beside my head, I start to think about what I鈥檓 going to have for supper. Being naked, here, feels liberating and safe 鈥 not a big deal: the beautiful drawings reveal an appreciation for my curves, bumps and especially those legs.
Melanie Chambers is spending her 43rd year trying new things. She鈥檚 sharing them with readers in this occasional series.
To join the conversation set a first and last name in your user profile.
Sign in or register for free to join the Conversation